HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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