he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
