I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize