Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just want nice things and good sex
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
