But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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