It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
