That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
