You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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