I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
