He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize