I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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