im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
