I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
