I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
