i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
