who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
