um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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