So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
