I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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