I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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