At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
