If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
