dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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