Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
