we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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