i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
