Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
