Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
