By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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