The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
