you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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