hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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