They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
