I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
