Do you still have your period?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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