I think I died a long time ago.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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