why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
