I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
