she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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