it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm really busy with my period
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