I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
