dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
