im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
