ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
