I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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