You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
