i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
