Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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