Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
