I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
