party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
