"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
