I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
