I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Send help, water and tortillas.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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