im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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