Please, let me fuck your mom
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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