dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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