addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
