Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
