the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
