My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
