My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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