I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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