Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
