Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize