Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
