Nicole vs. Life
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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