How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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