Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
