my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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