I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
